K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
