I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize