can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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