dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
