The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
