i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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