he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
