sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
