After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
