if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
