This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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