'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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