Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My dad is sitting where you rode me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
