I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
