So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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