if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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