you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
