and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
