It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
