youre lurking in front of me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
