im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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