its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
