I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
