I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
