ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
