I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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