how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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