I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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