I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
