you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
