He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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