I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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