i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
