Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
