If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
