Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize