I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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