You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just puked most of my soul out..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
