girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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