Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
