Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
