ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
