I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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