i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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