You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
