hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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