Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
