you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
