Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
