How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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