Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
