U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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