I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
