Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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