I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
