my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just googled if crying burns calories
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
