I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
