Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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