Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
