Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
