she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
