yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
