there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
