please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
