Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
