Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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