I hate your face
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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