shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
